My dating experience wasn’t (and isn’t) what it should be. Maybe that’s why love doesn’t seem to exist in my world.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

You are told how life works when you are young. It’s one of the things that I miss about being a child: not having to figure these things out on my own. Everything sounds easier when you’re young. Love, perhaps, sounds the easiest. You are told how you will go to college, meet someone, fall in love, get married, start a family, and live happily ever after. You watch movies that show the same stories that you’ve been told. The combination of the two solidifies the stories as facts. Sometimes, it really is this easy for people.

And then there…

I hope you realize why it’s important to do more than hashtag “trans women are women.”

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“We all want to exist, but some of us don’t deserve to!” is what a man shouted at me through my phone screen. I have only heard about Clubhouse through random twitter threads that I came across on nights where I should have and wished that I would have done more sleeping. What drew me to Clubhouse was the exclusivity appeal of it. When something is “invite only” and you suddenly get an invitation, something inside of you feels seen, good enough.

I was on this app and inside of a chat room called “Why is the alphabet mafia problematic?”…

The goal should be to look like you, to like who you see in the mirror and that should not be based on how others think that you should look

Image curtsey of author

What does it mean to be a trans woman? I cannot answer this for all because to answer for all would imply that it’s cut and dry, easy to explain and would most of all mean that there is only one meaning. I cannot answer this for all, I cannot answer it for myself sometimes but what I can do is speak from my experience and tell you what it is not.

When I first came out as transgender, the first thing that I did was search for support groups. Isn’t that the logical thing to do? I thought so…

The government is against us; the allies are not enraged and doing enough, we have been left here to fight alone

Photo by Lena Balk on Unsplash

I have stared at the blank computer screen, unsure of what to write or how to write it. I watched as my fingers trembled, felt my heart race as minutes passed. I am currently sitting with more questions than answers and the answers that are being given are not any help. I am unsure about how this will end for us. I am unsure if we, the transgender citizens here in the states will obtain some sort of victory or if we will all die trying. …

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

It has been over a year since I have seen the smile of a stranger. This is something that troubles me and intrigues me at the same time. It is the little things that we take for granted and miss the most. I don’t know why something has to no longer be accessible to us in order to notice it’s abscence. Once you do notice it, it seems to be all that you can think about. …

The news that DMX passing away has flooded my timeline on every social media website. It cannot be avoided even when I stay offline because my phone has also been bombarded with messages about his death. Triggered and Bitter are two words that have been assigned to me when discussing my feelings about DMX and you know what? You’re goddamn right I am both of those.

photo taken by: Prince Williams/WireImage

As everyone today has decided to remember DMX for their favorite songs and lyrics, the “good” that he has done as some will put it. Unlike them, I cannot overlook and/or forget the fact…

Does anyone else suffer from the pressure and expectation to remain pleasant? Crushed by the weight that kind of expectation comes with? It feels like drowning but not being allowed to show any sign of danger. Bleeding from a gunshot wound but not being allowed to bleed out. You are not allowed to show any sign of distress, any sign of needing help, you are to suffer, suffer alone and smile as if you are not dying.

-Takoda Patterson

Pleasant: 1. pleasing, agreeable, or enjoyable; giving pleasure: pleasant news.

2. (of persons, manners, disposition, etc.) …

I couldn’t tell you what it was like, that’s what I remember telling myself as you fired off questions filled with confusion, embarassment and anger. Each one wrapped in what you considered to be protection but to me the opposite. Intention doesn’t prevent the bullet from piercing the skin and leaving a hole for all of my pain, all of my worry to bleed out. A bullet, that is what “what is wrong with you?” takes the form of, BANG!

How do you find peace when there is a war going on inside of you? A war that you did…

I got the engagement but I lost my humanity

Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

There was a point when I was human.

No pressure to play a role, no pressure to post anything. I was able to take a picture without worrying about comments or likes. Hell, I was able to order a coffee without telling Twitter about it. I only felt the need to exist.

That feels like a lifetime ago. I often stare at the ceiling or my phone (aimlessly scrolling) asking, how did we get to this point? Social media, as cool as it is, had stripped me of my humanity. …

Takoda Patterson

She/Her• 🏳️‍⚧️/🏳️‍🌈 • Author of “Nothing Really Happens” • Podcast Host • Multifaceted Artist • Polyamorous Cool Girl™️ : Reading Goal 18/24📚

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